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Teen Emotions: A Recorded Course for Parents

Katya (Ekaterina) Karpenko — teen psychologist, systemic family therapist, EFT therapist · updated 14 October 2026

Recorded video lessons in Russian. This page explains the course in English.

Why does a teenager go from laughing to shouting in five minutes?

A teenager really is caught in a storm. In the morning they laugh, by evening nothing makes sense, an hour later everything is fine again. That's puberty, not a spoiled character.

The teenage brain is being rebuilt. The feelings already have adult strength, while the brakes are still a child's. Hence laughter turning into tears within minutes and a small thing landing like a disaster. This is physiology, and it has an end date.

There's a second half to the truth. Someone has to teach a teenager to ride out that storm, and the person who can do it is the adult nearby. Children learn self-regulation from whoever lives with them, not from books. So the fire will land on you. And the task is not to catch fire yourself.

Which of these is your evening?

• Your child flares up all the time and can't stop.
• Emotional swings: laughter, then tears, then total indifference.
• They've shut themselves in their room and inside themselves.
• Aggression flies at you, and every suggestion meets "no".
• You're tired of the shouting and the rows.
• Your nerves are giving way, and it feels like this will never end.

What should I do in the moment my teen yells?

Don't teach. At the peak, a person can't hear arguments. First we lower the heat: fewer words, a calm voice, a pause. The talk about what happened comes later, when you've both cooled down.

Take a whole evening of tears over one bad mark. The mark is only the trigger. Underneath there's usually fear, "I can't cope", and shame in front of friends. A talk about the mark won't help. A talk about the fear will, but not while the shouting is still going.

Try it at the next outburst. Say one sentence, "I hear you, we'll talk when we've both cooled down", and step out of the room for ten minutes. Then come back and ask about the feeling, not the behaviour. What not to do: don't return with a lecture, and don't hand out a punishment while you're still shaking.

A named feeling loses half its strength. That's what all work with emotions rests on, for children and for us. "You're furious, I can see it" does more than ten reasons why they shouldn't be.

What if the answer is silence and a closed door?

Silence is a way of coping too. There's no need to break down the door. What works is being nearby without questions: "I'm here. Come when you want to." Children come back when coming back is safe.

Some teenagers don't talk about feelings because they truly can't tell them apart. They aren't hiding anything. This has a name, alexithymia, and recognising feelings is a skill a teen can learn. The course has separate material on it and emotion diaries to practise with.

When the silence comes with "I hate you", my article on a teenager who says "I hate you" goes through what's behind those words.

And when I'm the one who snaps?

An adult is a person with a limited charge too. One explosion doesn't cancel you as a parent, and it doesn't make shouting fine either. What you do next matters: silence afterwards deepens the damage, while coming back, apologising and naming your own state helps more than pretending to be calm. Part of the course is about how not to snap back in the first place.

That's why part of the course is about the adult's emotions. A mother's anger is normal too. Your teen learns how to handle anger from you, not from lectures, so your evenings count as much as theirs. When did you last say to your child, "I lost it, and I'm sorry"?

What's inside the three lessons?

• Three recorded video lessons.
• A workbook with tasks for each lesson.
• Lecture notes.
• "Fire extinguisher": nineteen ways to put out an inner fire.
• Emotion diaries.
• Material on alexithymia, when a person can't tell their own feelings apart.
• A reading list on the topic.

You'll understand your teen's feelings better: guilt, shame, anger, empathy. You'll learn how to help them notice an emotion and live through it without destroying themselves or others. There's a part on aggression and the pull towards risk, and techniques that help you withstand someone else's fire and answer protest calmly instead of exploding back.

Who will get the most from it, and who should start elsewhere?

The course is for parents of a teenager whose emotions run the house: shouting, slammed doors, silence. It suits a parent who is ready to take part in conversations, not only to watch.

It has no techniques to "calm a teenager down in a minute". Such techniques don't exist, and I won't pretend otherwise. It won't fit if you aren't ready to take part. And if your teen's mood has been low for more than two weeks, with lost sleep and no interest in anything, start with a doctor, not a course.

Explosions often start around rules. If that's your case, the boundaries course sits next to this one. If the storm is about friends, look at the friendships course, and if it's about homework, the motivation course. For angry outbursts at 11–12, read this article first.

Format, access and how to enrol

The lessons are recorded. Watch from your phone when the house is quiet, pause, come back to the part you need after the next storm. Access is open for three months.

The lessons are in Russian, and enrolment is on the Russian page of the course. All four courses are compared on the course overview. Thinking about a deck of conversation cards instead? Here is how cards and a course differ.

When are mood swings a reason to see a doctor?

Look at how long it lasts and what it costs. Swings that pass within hours are common at this age, but how long a mood lasts doesn't settle the question on its own. A state that holds for weeks and gets in the way of sleeping, eating and going to school is a reason to see a specialist.

Puberty looks like a swing: bad today, fine tomorrow. It's worrying when things are evenly bad for a long time, with no light in between, and what used to bring joy is fading. If anyone at home is being hurt or threatened, or your child is in danger right now, call your local emergency number first.

This page is general information for parents. It is not medical advice or a diagnosis. If your child is in danger right now, call your local emergency number.

Katya Karpenko

teen psychologist, systemic family therapist, EFT therapist

I work with the family as a system: what happens with a teenager is almost always tied to how talking works at home, so change starts with the adult. I run closed online groups for teenagers and a separate group for parents, and I write books for teens and their parents. I'm a mother of two teenagers myself.

About Katya (in Russian) →

The Russian page of this course: open it in Russian.