Katya Karpenko in English → Parent Support Group or Therapy: Which Helps With a Teen?

Parent Support Group or Therapy: Which Helps With a Teen?

Katya (Ekaterina) Karpenko — teen psychologist, systemic family therapist, EFT therapist · updated 18 October 2026

What are you actually looking for: company, skills or clinical help?

It's late, the house is finally quiet, and you're typing "support group for parents of teens or therapy" into a search bar after another evening of shouting or of nothing at all. I get it. Both options sound sensible, and from the outside they look alike.

Before you compare formats, it helps to answer one question for yourself. What do you need most right now? Some parents mostly need to hear from other parents that they're not the only ones. Some need practical skills for the next argument. And some need individual, clinical help, for the teen or for themselves.

Each of those answers points to a different kind of help. A parents' group covers the first and part of the second. A recorded course covers one skill on one topic. Therapy with a specialist covers the third. Which of the three did you nod at?

What does a parents' group give that a therapist's office doesn't?

Mostly, it gives you other people in the same spot. When another mother describes the exact same slammed door, a lot of the shame goes out of the room. You stop thinking that your family is the broken one.

A good group also gives you a look at your own situation from outside. In my parents' group, you describe what is happening at home and I go through it with you personally, and on top of that there are meetings and live sessions with a topic of the week and answers to questions.

It's a place to work on what you do as a parent.

What a parents' group is not: it isn't therapy, and I don't call it that. Nobody there diagnoses your child, and nobody will work through your own childhood with you in depth. If that's what you need, a group alone won't be enough.

One more thing about how my club is set up, because people often get it wrong. Most of it is for teenagers themselves: groups by age, roughly 10–12, 13–14 and 15 and older. Parents have one separate group of their own. The parent pays, but the main work is done by the teen, in their own group.

When is individual therapy the better choice?

Use three measures: how long, how wide and which way it's going. A difficult reaction usually lasts days. A real difficulty holds for weeks, after the trigger has gone. When it spreads into sleep, school, friendships and interests at the same time, and nothing you've tried is making it easier, individual work with a specialist is the better fit.

Therapy also makes sense when the hard part is something very private. A teenager who is ashamed of something personal may find it easier to talk one to one than in a circle of peers.

The same goes for parents: if your reaction to your teen keeps pulling you back into old pain of your own, a group won't replace personal therapy.

And acute states, trauma or very heavy experiences call for individual work and sometimes a doctor, not a group.

And where does a recorded course fit in?

A recorded course is the quietest of the three. It takes one topic, such as boundaries, emotions, motivation, friendships or confidence, and gives you lessons and tasks you go through at your own pace. It's useful when you know what the problem is and want to understand it properly.

What a course can't do is look at your particular family. Nobody answers you back. I put it this way: a course changes the adult, a group changes the teenager. My courses are recorded in Russian today, English versions are being prepared, and all of them are explained in English on the course overview.

"A group isn't serious, we need a real specialist" versus "online forums are enough"

The first view is sometimes right, especially when things are acute.

But for a lot of families the specialist's office turns into a wall: the teen sits through an hour in silence and refuses to go back. A group isn't a replacement for a specialist. It's a different tool, and for some teens it's the first kind of help they don't dread.

The second view sounds practical. Parents do find each other online, and that can be a comfort. But a public forum has no rules, nobody keeps the conversation safe, and the advice comes from whoever types fastest. A group with a psychologist leading it has rules, and someone who knows when a story needs more than advice.

The middle path is naming the format honestly, to yourself and to your teen: "This isn't treatment and it isn't a hobby club. It's people in the same situation and a psychologist who keeps it safe."

What if the help is really for my teen, not for me?

Then look at a group for the teenager. At this age the brain is especially tuned to peers, and "same here" from another fourteen-year-old weighs more than ten of a mother's "this is normal". Skills like saying no or standing up to teasing also get practised among equals, not in a conversation with an adult.

In my teen groups the programme runs for three months in four steps: who am I, what's happening to me, how to say no, and how to be with other people.

The rules are strict: no bullying, no grading, no screenshots outside the group. Parents are not in the group, and they don't read their children's chat. You can read about it on the club page, in Russian.

Living abroad and speaking Russian at home? How the groups work across countries and time zones is on a Russian-speaking teen psychologist online for families abroad.

At 10–12, 13–14 and 15+

10–12. The family rhythm still shapes a lot, so work on the parent's side often moves things fastest. A parents' group or a course is a sensible first step, and it can run alongside a group for the child.

13–14. Peers matter more than ever, and many teens refuse anything that sounds like "going to a psychologist". A peer group is often the easier way in. If they still refuse, start with yourself; with a closed teen that's the most workable entry.

15 and older. Your teen should choose. Show both options, a group and individual sessions, and let them decide. A shy teen often prefers a group where they can listen first. One who is ashamed of something very personal may prefer one to one.

Katya's exercise: two weeks of notes before you choose

Before you book anything, watch for two weeks with a clear decision point. Every evening, write one line: what happened, how long it lasted, and which parts of life it touched, such as home, school, friends, sleep.

At the end of the fortnight, answer two questions on paper. What have I been seeing for longer than two weeks? Is anything getting easier from what I'm already doing?

If the answers are "a lot" and "no", it's time for a specialist. If the picture is about everyday conflicts and your own tiredness, a group or a course is a reasonable start.

What not to do: don't take your teen to a specialist after every argument. A teen who is marched off after each row starts to believe something is wrong with them, and by the time help is really needed, the word "psychologist" is already hated.

When does a teen need a doctor, not a group?

When the state is acute. Weeks of low mood together with changes in sleep and appetite, loss of interest in everything that used to matter, silence with everyone and not just with you, outbursts after which you or your teen feel frightened. Some events make individual help useful almost always: bullying, a divorce, losing someone close, a move.

In those cases see a teen psychologist or a doctor in person first, and keep any group as an extra, not the main help. If your child is in danger right now, call your local emergency number.

This page is general information for parents. It is not medical advice or a diagnosis. If your child is in danger right now, call your local emergency number.

Katya Karpenko

teen psychologist, systemic family therapist, EFT therapist

I work with the family as a system: what happens with a teenager is almost always tied to how talking works at home, so change starts with the adult. I run closed online groups for teenagers and a separate group for parents, and I write books for teens and their parents. I'm a mother of two teenagers myself.

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